Missed my night Risperdal...oops

So I was doing laundry lastnight and you know I was tired from all the running I did yesterday. I was surprised at the time that I had that much energy considered how depressed I have been but now I see that indeed I had NO energy because I crashed in the middle of my laundry at like 8pm. I was out cold. Tends to happen sometimes. I just get so tired that I don't know which way's up and I crash and realize later that I needed to do something. Well, this time I forgot my risperdal I take nightly. Sigh. And I was so fervent when I told my tdoc that I was taking them religiously. Dang. Well I took it this morning when I came to my senses and I am hoping for no side affects (ie sleepiness, dizziness) because I have a lot to do today. I know I need to be medicated so I have ot take it but having no side affects would be nice. Pretty please? To the med gods?

On the up side, I have been feeling slightly better the last two days. I've been running and lifting weights pretty hardcore. I jsut tell myself one more mile or 5 more minutes or whatever will keep me going and then I repeat the process. Kinda like what works with SI sometimes. Ten more minutes, rinse, repeat. I also have been getting atleast eight hours sleep but not more than ten. Seems to really make a difference. Also I am eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner as a rule. I mean I missed lunch yesterday unless you count a Nature Valley oats and honey bar. I never paid much attention to how my lifestyle affected me though the year I ran a triathlon and was working out everyday cept once a week I was pretty good. I had bad days and moments where I was depressed but mostly I was ok. I am going to really stick to this new routine of the meds and exercise with sleep and food. It seems to be breathing new life into me or something. Downside to the new meds: no dreams. Which means no good dreams though the night terrors I am fine without.

I guess I am feeling almost hopeful about the future and this is a feeling I had near forgotten. I guess sometimes there is jsut so thick a fog around that I forget that I have succeeded before and I can do it again. I mean I am capable of doin some great things. Everyone is, really. Funny how I was just about to give up and then suddenly I see that maybe I really have made some leaps ahead. I guess it's true what they say; after being in a dp cycle for so long you tend to be blind to your own progress or the affets things have on you for positive. Anyway I am actually looking forward to today....alert the media, I know. I know Phil is coming over later and I have my fun psych classes today and I just feel good. Good is a pretty awesome way to feel really. Strange. I had forgotten that I was capable of that one.